I want my friends to be happy, cause most of them are sad. I just have no idea how to help. I can’t fix everything, no matter how much I want too.

I just need to get some shit off my chest.

I am always there for everyone. I listen to EVERYONES problems. I give my best shot at advice. I will stand by you when you and your boyfriend fight for the 100th time. I will listen to you rant about your friend fights. I KEEP my promises, I would never tell anyone your secrets. I will tell you when you’re being a bitch. I will make sure you are happy. I will make sure YOU are OKAY. You need a pep talk? Here come a fuck load of compliments. Need a place to stay? I will fight with my mom all day and convince her to let you stay the night. You buy something for me? I will pay you back within a day. Don’t have money to pay for something? Don’t worry! I’ll get it for you and not hound you to pay me back. Need something? I’m here to help as best as I can? Want to go to a concert but don’t have the money to buy the ticket at that moment? dude no worries I got you. I do so many nice things for people, so many things to make sure that they are happy. I’d drop everything to help someone. I’d pay all of my money for someone. Why? Because that’s what a nice fucking person does. That’s what a decent friend does. They do things out of the kindness of their hearts and don’t look for things in return.

I would just like to be appreciated sometimes for the shit I do for others. I know you shouldn’t expect things from people. But I’m just getting so tired of being shot down, forgotten about, and treated like shit that just SOME sort of appreciation would make me so happy. Idk, I’m just really sad that I get treated this way by the people I care about the most in my life. I love you all… but it doesn’t really feel mutual lately :(

I go from being super motivated to dead in like 5 seconds

Why are you even with me..
I seriously don’t deserve you..
You’re to good for me..
You make me so nervous..
Please don’t go..
I’m scared someone will take you away..
You’re the only one who makes me happy..
Please please please don’t leave me…

It takes love and heartbreak to realize you’ve been a shitty person to so many people. But I promise, I’m not going to make the same mistakes with you. You deserve such an amazing person and I will be that for you.

I can’t fucking wait to move out.

Literally walked in my house at 3 in the morning and totally didn’t wake anyone up and was as quiet as a mouse. Y’ALL SHOULD BE PROUD OF ME.

forever worried about everyone elses feelings except my own

I’ve been standing in front of my mirror for the past 10 minutes practicing talking to “customers”. God, I can’t believe tomorrow is my first day at my first real job. I am so terrified that I’m going to end up blowing it. But I’m hoping it goes well and that I can tell my kids that my first job was at a candle store with a bunch of sweet old ladies. God, it seems like yesterday was my first day at fucking kindergarten.

I want to get a hotel room in the city by the water with the person I really really like/love and I want to jump on the bed together, then go down to the hotel pool and go swimming until the pool closed. then race back to the elevator and who ever won got to pick the first movie to watch and then go back to the room and take a candle lit bubble bath and then order room service at 3 in the morning and talk about our dreams, our fears, our goals, our secrets, what we love about each other, about the stars and how they must have aligned perfectly when we got together, and how we wish that night could last forever. Then play iron & wine, city in colour, passion pit, death cab for cutie, and of course marvin gaye. And while the music describes how we feel about each other we just kiss and fall more for each other. And as we lay there underneath the covers in each others arms watching the sun rise, we fall asleep knowing that there was nothing more perfect than that night.<3

I really fucking hate myself. I’m such an annoying little fuck. All I fucking do is nothing. I complain too much. I eat too much. I sleep too much. I hurt people too much. I talk too much. I’m always angry or frustrated all the time. I try so hard to be the best person, but I end up being the worst.

You make me so nervous.

If you’re going to treat me like shit, I’m not going to fucking talk to you. I don’t have to put up with you anymore. Like honestly fuck you, dude. I just needed your fucking help and you can’t even fucking do that.

THAT FUCKING AWESOME MOMENT WHEN YOU TOTALLY ACCIDENTLY EXIT OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ONLINE APPLICATION AND LOSE EVERYTHING YOU JUST FUCKING SPEND THE LAST 30 MINUTES TYPING OUT AND MAKING ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. WHY. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHevefbefbohiRBOBWhpWEIOfb ojW’NV blnVP S DV;Onk sd/jOM Bspdvn bhHxHZXIKXZVIO

So I think today was a really big day between me and my mom. I told her that I’m not a virgin and that I have sex. And honestly, I feel so much closer to my mom. Like I know some people are like “I could never tell my parents or they would kill me!” and I know for some people that could be true, or whatever. But I mean, they were teenagers once. They’ve had sex before and no offense, if your parents think you’re going to be a virgin until your married then they are just in denial. I’m really happy with how it went though. My mom’s fucking awesome.