I want sex. I never have sex. Why don’t I have sex more often. Oh yeah, I don’t have a boyfriend to have sex with. Why don’t I have a boyfriend? Is it because I’m white? Do boys not like white girls? What’s wrong with white girls? Fuck I want sex.
can i please just for once be perfect to someone.. maybe not perfect, but good enough for someone..
People amaze me sometimes. Tonight, I’ve talked to people who don’t even know me and actually took their precious time to talk to me because I was upset. Like do you even realize how much that literally means to me? One of my biggest fears is that no one actually cares about me and these great people showed me that even though you don’t talk to them all the time or maybe even never, they still care enough about you to see how you are and ask what’s wrong. You guys have no idea how much it means to me that you did that. I couldn’t thank you all enough <3
You need to quit not being interested in me. You’re so cute and I want you.
You were my everything. You were the reason I woke up with a smile on my face every morning. You used to make me the happiest girl just by holding my hand. You were my first kiss, first time, first love, and first heart break. I had never felt this way for anyone or anything like this before in my life. I truly did love you with all that I was. But now that I look back at what we had, I realized that you never showed that you actually cared about me.. or that you actually loved me. I would always be the one trying and you just never seemed to care. I felt like I was always competing to get your attention, to make you see that I would do anything for you, anything to make you happy. Now, it wasn’t always like this. At the beginning it was so fun and exciting. I would count down the days til our next month anniversary. We got so close and we rarely ever got mad at each other. But then slowly you started to drift away. I don’t know if it was because you were bored of being together or whatever reason, but I noticed. I noticed how you would just pay less attention to me and more on your friends. How you would slowly stop talking to me more and more. I especially noticed how you treated me less like a girlfriend and more like someone who you just kiss every day before you went to class. I don’t know if you know this, but shit like that can really fuck up a person’s heart. Knowing that the person you love more then anything in the world isn’t acting the same towards you and you can’t do anything to do about it? But you try to anyways? You try anything to make it go back to how it used to be. And for a little while, things went back to normal, but only for a little and then they went back to the same shitty thing. And the fact that you kept fucking with me by hanging and giving more attention to your girl best friends, especially since one was your most recent ex, didn’t help either. After countless times of telling you that it upset me, you still would continue with it. I would get so jealous every time you would do anything for them. I would say to myself “Why am I not good enough for you? ‘What does she have that I don’t have?’ ‘What is it about them that makes you want to do things for them?” But again you never cared enough to actually just stop with all of that. When ever I would try to talk to you about anything that was upsetting me about our relationship you would always take my words and switch them around to make me feel bad for even bringing it up. After a few times of that, I just decided not to tell you what was wrong with me anymore because I was always afraid that I would upset/anger you which only made things so much worse. You said once that if you were such a bad boyfriend, why wouldn’t I just break up with you. Well here’s why. I always had hope that one day you would see that I am someone you don’t want to lose in your life, someone that you want to love and hold and feel safe with, someone you would do anything for. I never gave up. Not once. But you did. Countless times. Whether you know this or not, you have impacted my life in such a way that I can’t let anyone else in. I’m now afraid that the person I like is either lying to me when they say they like me and that they care about me or that they just won’t care at all after a while. I am now terrified to commit to anyone because I feel like it will be just like our relationship and I never want that again. I have moved on from you and everything that happened, but just for the sake of me being able to commit to someone, I need all my unanswered questions to be asked and answered because I want to let people in again. I don’t want to be terrified that the next guy that I’m with won’t care about me. I just need a chance to settle things.
I just don’t wanna do anything anymore. *sigh*
I just can’t seem to find anyone worth my time. Waiting and being patient sucks.
I’m so terrified to grow up and deal with all the responsibilities that come with being an adult. Every time I start to think about what happens after we are finally done with high school, I get a mini panic attack. I think the one thing that scares me the most is not seeing the same people I’ve practically seen my entire life. I don’t want to be that one kid who doesn’t go anywhere.
I want to be tangled up with someone. I want to feel safe in someones arms. I want us to fit together like puzzle pieces. I want there to be no space between us. I want our skin to be pressed up against each other. I just want to feel close to someone.
So the other day my friend and I were waiting in the turning lane. And my favorite song came on so I turned that shit up and started gettin freaky in the passenger seat. Little did I know, the car full of people behind us was pointing and laughing at me. So I turned around and started waving at them. And of course there was a cute person in the passenger seat. So I told my best friend that the person in the passenger seat was really really cute and she was like “yeah she’s a sophomore.” Then I was just like -poker face- “I THOUGHT SHE WAS A HE. SHE LOOKS LIKE A BOY.’ ‘…shes still pretty hot.” -poker face- then the light turned green and we drove away.
About to head to the mall and look for a second job \m/. Wish me luck~
lol, i post a picture on facebook saying “100% nigga right here.” and of course a black guy comments.
WHY YOU NO UNDERSTAND THAT I’M 100% NIGGA BITCH. 100%.
